School Success #2: It takes a Team
We all want School to be a Great Experience for our kids.
But it’s a Team Effort! It would be so wonderful if each child could have a Caring Teacher, a Coach, and a Cheerleader for some super success!
Ideas Families Have Tried:
1. Request a Caring Teacher.
Months before a new school year, we parents need to do some homework! We need to find out which teachers in the upcoming grade are effective. Especially in the areas our child has needs. Ask around. Neighbors with kids just older than yours are often great resources. Ask your child’s current teacher for a suggestion of a teacher who would be a good match for your child. If possible, help at the school, in order to meet many of the teachers yourself. If needed, request a particular teacher, and explain why.
Children learn the most from someone who cares for them, even loves them. Learning negates in a negative environment.
2. Conference with your Teacher.
Be prepared for Parent-Teacher Conference. Talk to your child to ask what concerns he has about school. Are their issues with other kids that need to be addressed? Is there an area in which your child needs more practice at home. Open the lines of communication. (I always have to write down my concerns, or I forget to bring up one or two of them!) Express your worries, and ask the teacher to call you if something should come up in this area. Seek to Understand. And be loyal to your child.
I chose to never bring my kids to Parent-Teacher Conferences with me. Even if it were allowed or encouraged. I wanted to be able to talk openly about my child’s strengths and weaknesses, yet not in their presence. Afraid that a negative label might be attached to my child, I wanted to choose what I passed on from the conference at home. I took notes of all the good things that the teacher said, even asking for good things about her student. I then repeated them at home, in front of the family, to reinforce those good things.
Once I made the mistake of going to the principal with a concern about my child and his teacher. The principal forwarded the email to the teacher anyway, and then there was a rift in our relationship. I learned to call the teacher to allow her a chance to explain herself when something was amiss. I also learned to tell the teacher my son’s point of view and ask her to clarify, thus not putting the teacher on the defensive. A quick call to simply be in touch was most effective, ie “Brian was worried about what he was supposed to bring today.” It tells your child and the teacher that you care.
3. Coach your child.
A parent is a child’s best coach. And confidant! Because of the loving bond between us and because we know them so well, we can best prep them for what they will face at school. We parents can provide practice, flash cards, extra help and even extra time requested when necessary. We can help them soar when we read to them from babyhood!
“Talk to your child!” said veteran kindergarten teacher Mrs. Stradling. Some of her new students had simply not talked very much at home. The ones who do talk a lot at home will be the smartest. We must resist the urge to let a movie babysit your child too often. In the car, we can count school busses or stop signs or flags. We can talk about the machines that are fixing the road. We can play the ABC game, where we find letters on the billboards, street signs, and license plates. A car ride is a good time to ask about things at school, and friends, etc. We can talk about our plans or our worries. We can bring up something we learned that day, or saw that day. Let’s turn off the radio and talk! And listen too!
Before each child began kindergarten, I tried hard to think of every tough situation he or she might face. I then told a bedtime story about that thing, a different one each night, whether it be following directions, choosing friends, cheating, lying, bullying, etc. In my stories, I came up with an imaginary child and his or her name and circumstances and what came up. I often told the story two ways, one time in which the person made a poor choice and the consequences and how bad he felt. I then followed up with a good way to solve the situation and the good feeling afterward. I was amazed at how well the child remembered the stories and the details—better than I did! In this way, I hoped to coach her children in the best ways to solve problems at school.
Sometimes, I am able to read the same book my child is reading at school. The younger ones had reading programs and the older ones had literature for English classes. Whenever I possibly could, I checked the same book out at the library and read it too. Book reviews help me make sure these were appropriate reading (and if not, we could request an alternative assignment). But mostly, I found that this provided a connection with that particular child. They could discuss the characters and the ideas in the book. “What did you think about what happened to Robert?” “Did you like how it all turned out?” I could ask and discuss.
My 9-year old daughter was trying to be positive about school, but it was hard. She was bright and got good grades, but found the work repetitive and boring. What’s more, it was so troubling to her sensitive spirit to listen to the teacher constantly get mad at the “bad ones.” She often did not want to go to school. One day, when I was talking to her about this, one on one in an interview, I remembered when she had had such a fulfilling experience the year before helping another student. Her 2nd grade teacher had told me more than once what a good job she had done helping Gabe. A slow-learner that no one liked, Gabe had struggled with his school work. But she had connected with him and really helped him often. The teacher had been so grateful.
Now, I asked her, “Is there someone you can help this year? How does the Lord need you this year? What is your mission at school? That got her thinking. It gave her a reason to go to school each day. She could be on the lookout for someone who needs her. She could be a friend!
One 7th grade son had just finished his first semester of Junior High. It had been quite an adjustment for him. A bright boy, he had hardly ever had any homework in elementary school! Now, there were so many classes, with so many different assignments to keep track of! Instead of spending most of the day with one teacher, he had seven different teachers to keep track of, all of who had their different requirements! This son had done pretty well, except for math class. His report card showed top grades and top comments in all classes, except that one. In math, not only was there a lower grade, there was behavior issues as well. I couldn’t figure it out—he had always loved math. What’s more, he was a good kid and other teachers had called her about his exceptional behavior!
I let a few days go by before bringing it up so I could be calm. I chose a quiet Sunday, and approached this son. “I think there must be a mistake on your report card,” I said, as I showed it to him. “Sometimes teachers push the wrong button.” I thought it over, and decided that his math teacher must have grouped all the boys at his table as being disruptive. “Do you think you better change where you sit?” I asked him, and he agreed that would be good. I already knew his frustrations about the math teacher’s way of grading. She had only factored in the test scores in the grade, so there was only a few chances to bring up a grade. “It doesn’t help any to do the homework,” my son told me, “Because she never counts it in our grades—she never even looks at it!” At that point, I felt a prompting. “Son,” she said, “Algebra is something that you will use your whole life. If you can learn algebra well now, you will be able to do well in geometry, calculus, physics, and even engineering classes in college! Don’t do your homework for your teacher,” I emphasized, “Do it for You!” The light bulb seemed to go on in his head. He had a new reason to do well in math, and it was just the motivation he needed to take on a new semester and do his best.
My Favorite Idea:
4. The Daddy Report.
Let Dad be the Cheerleader. Or Grandma. Or an Uncle or Aunt or Neighbor. At our house, it was Daddy. Generally, I am the coach, but Mark is the Cheerleader! When a student has a picture he’s drawn or a paper she’s written, we’ll show it to Dad. “I like the lizard over here,” he will say, or “The handwriting is sure better on this one!” Dad doesn’t see every picture, but when something needs recognizing, it’s great to have another adult to praise it!
Every night at dinner, for a good season, Mark would find a Daddy Report at his place at the dinner table. It was simply a paper with every child’s name or initials written down one side. I would record at least one good thing that each had done that day. (If I had a hard time finding something for a particular child, I’d write, “Tommy almost got his chores done before school!”) The Daddy Report was especially great to fill Dad in about what was going on at school: He might read, “Sam made 6 baskets at the game at recess.” Or “Sally gave a report on Polar Bears and did a great job.” Sometimes I’d write, “Ask Cindy about her art class today,” or “Ask Carter what his teacher said about his English paper.” We then all learned happy details about each other, and talked about them. And success at school was supported and encouraged.
5. Make Report Cards a positive thing.
At the end of a grading period, as tests build up and energy goes down, a cheerleader parent can help a student “finish strong.” This is a good thing to include in family prayers. Then, when report cards arrive, no matter what they say, a parent can be a cheerleader. We can notice improvement, and make a big deal about it. Mark is good at emphasizing the Effort grades, and makes a big deal about trying hard..
Don’t overdo report cards, as there is much more to your child than grades! And be careful not to compare your kids, but notice each one’s strengths. Encourage and come up with ideas to improve a weak subject. “I know who you are,” one mother told her student, “and I know you can and will do better at this!”
Ideas that worked well for you? Please comment below.
See Also: School Success #1 Home Connection.