A little child comes over and pulls on her mother’s skirt. “Mommy, Mommy!” she yells, not able to wait another second to tell her newest discovery! A little man has just perfected his ability to whistle—at last! He desperately wants to share his victory: “Listen to This!” he tries to call out above the din. Or maybe he or she has just finished the best ever Lego creation and is dying to show it to Daddy! “Yes, yes. . .” Mom or Dad may answer and glance down for a sec before going back to what it really important.
Parents and grandparents have lots of our plates, lots of things of great importance. But what is more important than your child? He or she needs you now, and he can’t hold still until they show you! If they fail to get your attention, something sad happens inside, and bonds become just a little weaker.
Suppose a child is afraid of thunder. Suppose we go in that child’s door, poke our heads in,and reassure and tell them it will be okay. Now suppose that instead we go up to the bedside, kneel on the floor and reassure them that you don’t like loud sounds either, but that we are save in this house, and that it will be over soon.
Simply crouch down. We tower over our kids when they are small and needy. So when we get down to be eye level with them, we are sending a huge message: “I care about you.” “I want to see your perspective, and what is so important to you right now.” “I am willing to treat you like you are priority in my life.” And “I want to give you the message that you are worth my time.”
Everyone needs validation. But children may not even see a nod of approval way up there. We are giants next to them, so we need to sit down beside them or squat for a bit, to let them hear and see that we are really listening and we really care. When we physically come down to their level, we visually show them we understand.
When I was homeschooling my children for a season, I found that it was imperative that we go to the park or at least to the backyard regularly. The kids had a huge need to call out, “Look at Me!”And indoors, they also needed to show what they had created and receive some remarks. The kids simply craved to show what they could do: “Look at Me!” said over and over told me that each one needed a chance to show and tell, and be heard, to be seen and to be praised.
Getting down to their level, giving some undivided reassurance that this child is ok, that she is growing and learning well, that his effort is noticed and is appreciated.
“You are OK!” is a gift to give our kids daily. And when we do it at their own level, we are saying we care with a great big exclamation point.