Rather than Nag
As the school year goes on, kids are less and less motivated to do what’s before them. Spring Fever has gotten a hold of them and they want to be outside or anywhere, rather than do homework, do chores, do practicing, or do anything we ask!
Nagging becomes a thing we have to do over and over, more and more. Or does it? The more the Nagging, the more they seem to turn us off!! How can I ignite my child and get results without losing my cool? Is there some other way to motivate offspring to do what is before them Instead of Nagging?
Ideas Families have Tried:
1. Instead Of Nagging, Explain, then leave.
Go over thoroughly what you expect and why, and then Walk Away. This allows no murmuring or questioning or excuses. As you leave, you might try: “I sure hope that when I come back, this will look wonderful!”
2. Instead Of Nagging, Give them Something to look forward to.
All of us like to have something we are excited about coming up. It’s helps with the drudgery to think of it. “After this is done, you may get out your legos/snacks/favorite book/swimsuit.”
My Favorite Idea:
3. Instead Of Nagging, Say A funny remark.
One of my sensitive children seemed to crumble when directly reprimanded. I learned to say, “Didn’t your mother ever teach you manners? /to keep your room clean?/ to obey? This shifts the focus away from that child who is shirking, and places it upon me! It’s like I am receiving the scolding. Thus it calms the situation but still gets the point across that I need this thing done!
4. Instead Of Nagging, Try a Back door approach.
Some children like to be told what to do straight out, with a please. But others prefer a round-about way. This lets that sort of child know what you want done without literally asking him to do it. “I would sure love to hear some beautiful music on the piano about now!” It’s sort of like his own idea: Maybe I’ll go practice right now!” See: Parenting the Strong-Willed Child post
5. Instead Of Nagging One person, Talk to Everyone.
Don’t single out the slacker. “Everyone who has finished his chores may come to the table /have a popsicle/get in the car,” etc.
6. I.O.N., Give A time limit.
“This needs to be done before lunchtime” is all you must say and make sure it is heard. Afterward, don’t say a word. After the lunchtime blessing, simply put that child’s plate on the fridge. “Let me know when you’re ready for it” is all you have to say. No nagging required.
7. I.O.N., Relax some of your requirements a little.
Will your child turn out okay if she doesn’t make her bed every day? Will your son be a good person even if he doesn’t get the whole thing done? Maybe ask a little less, at least temporarily. Could you get this much done? Or, “How about one less song on the piano each week until schools out.”
8. I.O.N., Give a positively written Daddy Report.
We like to have a Daddy Report at the table beside Dad’s plate. In it, I have written something good about each person that day. It fills Daddy in on what happened that day, and provides good dinner conversation. Even if one of the children has had a hard time accomplishing something, I write about that child’s effort or what he has partially completed, i.e. “_____ almost got his science project done!” Dad will read this and reinforce what you want to have done with encouragement.
9. I.O.N., Give a Hand.
“Would you like some help?” if said sincerely can be just the ticket. Or try just stepping in to give a hand. “I want to help you with this today.” Or, “Tell you what, if you come right now, I’ll help you!” Said once, this isn’t nagging, but expresses love and empathy.
10. I.O.N., Tell someone else: “She’s doing fine!”
“She’ll get that done soon. No problem!” Positive Reinforcement at it’s best! (This one does Not work if you sound the least bit sarcastic!)
11. I.O.N., Expect Obedience.
We had just taught Obedience in Family Home Evening. For one example, we used the Kite story: A Kite stays up in the sky because the string anchors it, but if you cut the string the kite falls. That kite string is like obedience. We also had emphasized how happy Nephi was when he obeyed, and that God gave us obedience so we could be happy. The next day, I needed to show our kids that now is when to apply what they had learned, that now was the time to be obedient. “Are you going to be obedient?”
12. I.O.N., Let them Plead Diligence!
If something is not quite done, but he has been diligent, I try to let my child off the hook. In our home, trying hard really matters, and so I try to figure out when to be merciful. “Have you been Diligent?” I’ll ask, and if so, I adjust the consequence or allow them to finish later.
13. I.O.N., Make a List.
The list, rather than the parent, becomes the reminder. Once, my daughter had gone with our family on a trip and had missed 4 days of schoolwork. Now, she had a whole lot of different things to make up. I decided to spell out every page of work on a piece of paper. Beside each item was a box to check when she was finished. I read the list through with her to make sure it was accurate and taped it up on the wall. “It’s all here on the List.” Then, I could go about my duties, leaving it to her to do. With it all spelled out there, I didn’t need to constantly be asking more questions or nagging. If this daughter asked to go to do something else or to go a friend’s house, I would go check her progress on the list before saying yes.
14. I.O.N., Change it Up.
Come up with a new way of monitoring progress. If stars on a job chart used to work wonderfully but now is getting old, try sticks in a jar with the jobs on them for a while. Announce, “Here’s a New Plan.” Later on, the old job chart will be fresh and new and will work again.
15. I. O. N., Allow Creativity.
I have one especially creative child—one who thinks outside the box—who will come up with his own way of doing what I ask. He might make a lego crane to help him pick up the blocks, or use a toy cart to take his laundry. His way might be slower and therefore a bit frustrating for me, but I have learned to see it as an exercise in creative thinking. Somehow it’s easier not to nag that way. My response to his plan is“That works for me!”
My Other Favorite Idea:
16. I.O.N., Give a quota, then increase it, if need be.
Before lunch, I like to have everyone help pick up the family room. I’ll look around to see how many things are out, then set a quota for each person. “Everyone pick up 6 things.”
But the clincher comes next! I’ll wait about 30 seconds then announce, “Anyone who hasn’t started yet, pick up 7 things!” Before I can even get the whole sentence out, my kids have learned to quickly scramble to start putting away their 6 things, so that they won’t have to do 7!! I am happy to get the room picked up quickly, and they are happy to stop at six! It works amazingly well!
My Most Favorite Idea:
17. I.O.N., Compliment!
Catch your kids doing something well and reinforce it with a compliment! This is a long-term cure for too much nagging, as it helps next time that situation comes up. For example, my 13-year old cleaned up the kitchen while I was out on a date with Mark and the next morning, I was ready to nag him and his brother about getting homework done (that I’d hoped they would have done while we were gone). Instead, I decided to reinforce that great thing they did last night. “Thank you so much for cleaning the kitchen last night when Dad and I were gone. That was a great thing you did!” Then the boys both went straight to their homework, without me saying any more.
Please Comment: How do you motivate your son or daughter without nagging? Hope you will share!