Siblings’ adjustment to the New Baby!
When we were expecting our second baby, the hospital where we were going to deliver had a special program for the new baby’s siblings. They called it a “Birth-Day” Party! Our little toddler girl got to go to the hospital for a celebration. She saw the place where her Mommy would soon go, and the little cribs where the new baby would be. (Then, later when she came to this hospital again, it would not be an unfamiliar place. She had some preparation for the big arrival.) To top off the experience, she got a piece of birth-day cake! She left thinking what a wonderful place the hospital was!
It’s a huge adjustment to get a new brother or sister. Especially for the one who has been the center of everybody’s attention!! But wise parents can do things to help the transition to brother or sisterhood!
My Favorite Idea:
1. Celebrate the New Arrival!
The “Birth-day” party was not offered at other hospitals we used later on, so with each new birth, we came up with our own birth-day party. A week or two before the expected delivery, we would take our youngest child down to the hospital to see where Mommy was going to stay and where the baby beds were. We would talk up the new adventure! And we would had a special “birth-day” treat afterward (although I don’t think we called it that—it would have been too confusing for our child). We built up enthusiasm, and gave our child a preview to ease in to the new experience.
Another thing we tried to do was to provide our child with a new Baby Doll of her own, (or a stuffed animal for our son). That way, when Mommy cuddled the new baby, they had something new to cuddle too!
2. Teach a toddler to be gentle.
Another part of prepping for the new baby is to teach gentleness. A toddler may not know to treat a baby with a soft touch, and it may take practice! He may even be inclined to hit! “Be soft,” we liked to say, and practice, with a doll or with some other baby. We’d couple the words with the gentle strokes that we would expect him to use. And of course we’d praise wholeheartedly any progress in being soft!
3. Don’t Push the Sibling out the Crib too soon.
Having a new baby join the family is enough of a change. If we kick big brother or sister out of the crib at the same time, it removes some of the security from his life. Toddlers spend a lot of time in their cribs, and it is their own special place of security and comfort. Also, it is safe. A “big girl” bed doesn’t usually have the slats of protection, and many a child has fallen out during the night, or started to. Even with a chair or a wall next to it, which is a good idea, it is a big step in a little one’s life– one to have happen way before or way after the other big changes in her life, such as a new baby in the family.
Mark and I worked hard to make sure our toddler had a smooth changeover to a big bed. If needed, we would borrow an extra crib for the other baby temporarily, in order to let their toddler transition slowly. In fact, we set up both our child’s crib and his toddler bed in the same room. That way, he could choose when he was ready to make the change. I told him that when he was old enough to go to the new bed, that meant he must stay in it. I did his nighttime routine that included a story and prayers and all the good-nights. If he were to get out of bed after the nighttime routine was finished, then she would tell him he was “not quite ready” and must stay in the crib a bit longer. When he chose the new bed, and stayed in it all night, it was a cause for celebration! With a choice for him, and plenty of time to do the transition, we could do it early enough—before he had learned to climb out of the crib by himself!
Potty training is another big milestone that is better if not implemented the same time as a new baby’s arrival. In fact, we have found that sometimes there were some developmental setbacks in their toddlers, after a new baby. If their toddler suddenly wet her pants or wanted back in the crib for awhile, we did not stress unduly over it. We knew that it was temporary and that she would once again act her age soon. The bottom line is not to make the older one have to grow up too fast—wait for clues that he is ready for the new steps.
4. Keep older brother or sister busy and happy.
I tried to prepare for feeding time with my new babies. For the just-older sibling, I would get a special toy or two—something to put together, such as Legos, worked well. I then put this toy up high and only got it down at nursing time. The toy was new and exciting again, and was a welcome diversion for me!
I also saved up Fingerplays and Songs to sing while I nursed the baby. Storybooks for the toddler work well too. The point was to make nursing time something to look forward to. At one point when my arms were both full, I even stuck out her toes, for my toddler to use them for “This Little Piggy!”
5. Give Extra attention.
When one son was born, his two-year old brother was sick with a cold. He had to keep his distance from new little brother. But it worked out well for this son to get extra time with Daddy! In fact, Daddy and he became great buddies!
I tried to make a point of giving the baby’s just older sibling some extra time. Now that I had my lap back, I would pull the toddler onto it for extra loves. When the baby slept, I could give some undivided attention to them too. I might make a point of taking the older one on an outing—just the two of us. It was cementing the fact that Mommy still loves me too!
Have you noticed that everyone would bring gifts over for the new baby or for Mom! So the poor 2-year old feels left out! I began putting something new in a gift bag for big sister or brother too, and would slip the package to them. That way they were part of the celebration as well!
- Mommy’s Special helper
Another idea that worked well was to give the toddler a special job to do, to make him feel important and needed! I assigned her toddler to be the one who goes and gets the diaper or the wipes or the blanket when I needed it. After such a great job, they got lots of praise for being so grown up! Another important job is to be in charge of picking up the binky and washing it when it fell out. A stool near the sink helps brother or sissy could do their job. That way, I could praise them up and down for being such a good helper and such a great big brother or sister!
Helping a sibling adjust helps the whole family with this transition time. Soon, the big brother or sister you have helped adjust will hardly be able to remember a time without the new baby in his or her life!
Please share what you have used for this transition time, by commenting below!