Meeting My Needs
Rika was planning to go to the temple one day, and in her prayers beforehand, she asked for help with a weakness. She asked to be able to get rid of critical thoughts and be filled with love for her husband. She didn’t want to bring bad feelings with her to the temple.
Even before she left, a wonderful thing happened. As Rika was pondering, a thought came to her: “I don’t have to love what he does, but I can love him anyway.!” Then another idea came: “How does Heavenly Father love us? He doesn’t wait til we are perfect to love us. He loves us—even adores us—because we are His.”
Choosing to Love Regardless
Many times, Rika had knelt in prayer and felt His love—even when she felt so unworthy of it. He loved her first, and regardless of what she did. “Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee (to me)” Jeremiah 31:3 (see footnote “d”). “I am encircled eternally in the arms of his love.” 1 Nephi 1:15
Feeling His love had empowered Rika to move forward, to do better. It had given her the “umph” to change.
Rika wanted to adore her husband. But she didn’t always love what he does. That’s all right, she decided: “I can adore him, just because he’s mine! That’s enough reason!”
One of my Favorites:
There is power in loving unconditionally the way God loves us—not a condemning love, but an I forgive you, I believe in you love.
My kids used to watch Mister Rogers on PBS. One day, I overheard him sing a wonderful son: “It’s you I like; It’s not the clothes you wear. It’s not the way you do your hair, but it’s you I like. The way you are right now. The way down deep inside you. Not the things that hide you, not your toys—they’re just beside you. It’s you I like. Every part of you: your skin, your eyes, your feelings, whether old or new. I hope that you’ll remember, even when you’re feeling blue, that it’s you I like. It’s you yourself, it’s you. It’s you I like.” I was so touched by this song (especially since he said it to a little boy in a wheelchair, and emphasized that it was him, not his “fancy chair” that Mr. Roger’s liked!) see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BZlyxS37Kk
I tweaked this song to fit a goal of giving unconditional love: “It’s you I love; It’s not the things you do. It’s not the things you forget to do, but it’s you I love. The way you are right now. The way down deep inside you. Not the things that hide you, not your paycheck—it’s just beside you. It’s you I love. Every part of you: your background, your personality, your feelings, whether old or new. I hope that you’ll remember, even when you’re feeling blue, that it’s you I love. It’s you, yourself, it’s you. It’s you I love.”
Messages we Send
Lana discovered that people could tell whenever she had critical thoughts about them. They felt disapproval, even when she didn’t express any! When Lana quit sending verbal or nonverbal messages of criticism to her husband, and instead sends spoken and unspoken mental feelings of love and adoration his way, he was empowered. Lana observed that her husband is then free to use the Light of Christ within him to grow closer to the person he’d really like to be.
Meeting our Needs
Sometimes Toby feels disappointed because her husband isn’t meeting her needs. She feels lost or empty because her needs aren’t met. But her friend Melodee taught her an important truth: We can focus instead on loving our husbands and ask Heavenly Father to meet our needs, rather than our spouse, who may be incapable of it.
But Heavenly Father, through His son, can meet each of our needs. In fact, He knows what we need most. We can leave that to Him! “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19 “Your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.” Matthew 6:8. “Ask the Father in the name of Jesus for what things ye shall stand in need.” Mormon 9:27. See also verse 28. Toby found that though it may be met differently than she expected, if she would trust Him and follow Him, He would meet her needs. Then, without requiring that of her spouse, she was free to love him or her with all her heart!
So back to Rika—She came up with a new mental catch phrase: “I adore you, just because you’re mine!” With that established, her judgmental attitudes have lessened and her love for her husband has grown. Life is richer and fuller, because their love for each other is more secure.
How wonderful is God’s plan, that a man and a woman can come together with different ideas to blend together to reach the goal of returning to Him.
I would love your comments below!