Children—Resourcefulness #1
We parents must provide for our children both the necessities of life and experiences to best help them through life. We want to give them enough, but not too much. We want them to learn to be resourceful.
Our children actually learn the Most from what we Are. So when we are resourceful, we can let them participate.
Ideas Families Have Tried:
- Provide chances to help. Previous generations were good at fixing and reusing and “jimmy-rigging” things together to make them last. They cooked and sewed and mended the old clothes. It takes effort to pass skills of resourcefulness on to the next generation.
When Hal and Teresa tried to do something good, like help their neighbor with his lawn or bring flowers to someone who is sick, they brought their kids along to sweep up the grass clippings or carry the food. “I need someone to carry this hot casserole in the car,” Teresa would tell them. When they reused a container or fix something broken, a child could help wash out a pickle jar or hold the screw driver. It was often easier to do it all alone, but by letting the kids “help,” they taught invaluable lessons.
My Favorite Idea:
- Provide for their Wants, but not All Their Wants:
“By not satisfying every immediate want,” said Elder Robert D. Hale, “we obtain ..the more desirable reward,” that of resourcefulness, satisfaction, and skills. “Provident Providers” Ensign May 2009.
I have been grateful that we don’t have the means to grant every want, thus teaching our children that not all are necessary. In our family there are lots of us, so we limit a child’s sports camp or season to one per year. If a child wants to do more than one sport, he must pay for it. This system weeds out all extra sports but the ones desired the very most. In addition, we have found that when the newness wears off, the kids attend more willingly lessons they have chosen and are paying for. When our daughter’s dance classes became expensive, in addition to us cleaning the studio to pay for it, she started assisting teaching the younger dancers. With this ownership in her dance, she has never had to be urged or hardly reminded to go.
When our young son wanted to take kung fu like his friends, I set up a plan for him to earn it. The teacher agreed let us pay for each class separately. It was quite expensive, and I didn’t know if it was just a passing craze, so I made an extensive plan for him. Five items had to be completed before I gave him the money for each class, including a lesson of typing, an exercise in cursive writing (both things I had wanted him to learn), a song on the piano, and extra jobs. Kung fu did not come super easy for him, but he has stuck it out and worked hard to earn each class. At first, he did not always get it all done on time, and as per our agreement, he didn’t go that time. But I did not push him, nor did I give in to his pleadings to go anyway, and he figured out a way to fit it all in. Since then, he has always made it on time. And he’s pretty proud of that yellow belt he earned!
- Provide for their Needs, but not All Their Needs.
Yes, parents must see that children do not go hungry or naked, but as they grow older, if we let children earn their own way at times, they learn satisfaction, skills, and to appreciate more what they have. They feel good to pay their own way at times.
Elizabeth, in an attempt to keep her children busy during summer months, had them goals for the summer. As they daily work on these goals, they earned points which translated into money for school clothes and supplies at the end of the summer. She kept track of the points on a calendar that each child marked, one point per day for meeting their goal and one point per day for doing all their chores. Right before school was to begin, Elizabeth counted up the points and handed out cash in envelopes (then put the youngest kids’ envelopes in her own purse to take to the store). It was money she would have spent on school clothes anyway, but the kids could manage the amount they earned and make the choices. The more diligent each has been, the more they had to spend. It was a long-term reward. In fact, she learned that she didn’t have to remind or nag each summer day, for her children learned as they grew older to see ahead and want more money for school supplies at the end, so to be sure to accomplish their jobs and goals each day. Further, she noticed that the kids appreciated and took better care of the items they purchased themselves.
- Provide Rewards Carefully. Showering children individually with lots of praise and sincere compliments builds self-esteem. But when we use things for rewards, we must take care that the item is not the only reward. Not always are there immediate rewards in their lives. On missions or in college, there is no candy bar for a good job. Many of the rewards from Providence come much later. Children can learn to feel good about accomplishments. They can learn to wait for rewards.
Jennifer learned that if she gave a dollar for an A grade, the dollar was the reward, instead of the self-satisfaction of doing a good job. She learned that if she gave a piece of candy for doing a chore, when the candy stopped, the chore stopped! If her daughter drew a wonderful picture and got a quarter, she expected one for the next picture too. Jennifer learned that her praise for something well-done was the best reward. And to give more, she told Daddy or let the child call Grandma to tell what a wonderful thing he had done!
- Provide happy memories. Joyous occasions can go along with the teachings. These can be simple and inexpensive.
The Yardley’s all worked together to earn fun family evenings. If everyone did their chores and practicing for a month, for example, they all earned a pajama party or a family kickball game, or a game night with popcorn and smoothies. Rather than pit one child against another with incentives, bringing competition and contention, they all worked together to earn their fun activities. One favorite family time was playing “Around the World” on the ping pong table—everyone counting to see how high they could go without a miss. It didn’t matter who missed or how high they got. They’d simply start again. No one wanted the evening to end. It was a simple game, but a choice family memory. Actually, it almost didn’t happen. But they persevered through the opposition. One of their sons married soon after and a daughter went off to college, so the memory is extra choice.
Ideas that worked well for you? I would love to hear your good idea or experience with this topic. Please comment below!