3 Special Books for a Child’s Self Concept
Children, Young Adults, and All of Us need to figure out Who We Really Are. What makes me? What are my gifts and talents? Why am I on this earth and what am I going to accomplish? When they are very young, we can help our kids start to figure out with the help of a Me Book. This and two other books help me know the real me.
1. A Me Book.
The Need for a Book. I discovered that when each of my children was about 3 years old, he or she had a need to figure out, in their baby way, just what he or she was all about. They would start to ask questions about being in Mommy’s tummy. They loved the reassurance that Daddy and Mommy were anxious for me to be born, and come be a part of our family. They wanted me, and they love me. A wonderful tool to give them this reassurance is a special Me Book.
Now, I had a lot of little ones really close in age, and at one point the thought of making a fancy book for each of them literally blew my mind. I just could not go there, for several years! But I could write down cute things they said in my calendar on the wall! So I did that! Much later, when kids started to leave home, I put down funny things the kids said or did in a family email newsletter.
At one point, I discovered the beauty of a 3-ring notebook and plastic sleeves. When I had an extra photo or a paper a child had drawn, I could slip it into a plastic sleeve in a binder and not worry about chronological order! I could do one page here or there, and just use what I found to include. A couple of times, during a Spring Break, I had the kids taken care of, and I got to go to work with Mark! I set up in his office, and while he was out on processing floor, I spent some uninterrupted time transferring those cute sayings I had written down into those binders. And before long, my children each had a Book! It was About Them!
Later, I photocopied a picture I had of both of their Grandparents, and then all four of their Great-Grandparents. I started the book with those, then a picture of Dad and I when we got married. I had written down my feelings when I was expecting that child, so I put those in next, and a baby picture or two. From there, I put in what I could find, and included the cute things they had said.
How precious to each child was his book! Periodically, he’d ask for it and have me sit down and go through it with him. It was a great chance to tell him how happy we were for him to come, and how special he is to us.
The Joy School Organization includes a section where preschool children are taught that they are unique. Each child makes his own “About Me” book that includes one or two pages they make at each preschool for about a month: a favorite color page; a favorite food page; a family page; a hand print; a foot print; a self-portrait, etc. Each Joy School child’s book is unique, just as each child is unique. See Eyre, Richard and Linda. Teaching Children Joy.
Am I Yours? One of my sons looked a bit different from his siblings as a little child–enough that people would comment about it. At one point, he guessed that he must have been adopted! It was good for me to get out his book, as well as family albums, and reassure him that he really did grow in my tummy, and that Dad and I were so glad when he came! The pictures and words all helped him gain the security.
My friends adopted little Tilly. And her parents knew that she would need some extra assurance of her place in our family. They used picture books and the recorded words to tell her how sweet was the experience of welcoming her into our home and forming her special place in their hearts. Adopted children seem to need additional reassurance that they are truly loved and wanted, and so they used several different ways of showing Tilly she was loved and valued. A “Me” book served to show her that no matter her biological parents, she still had her own adoptive parents and grandparents and great-grandparents that are really, truly her family. They taught her that she has her own unique and special gifts to develop and contribute to the family and to the world.
Not Just for 3-year olds!
My youngest kids are now ages 9, 13, 15, and 17. They still love to get out their books about once a year. They laugh and compare the silly things each one said or did. They look over the baby pictures and see what resemblance they have to their grandparents or to the new nieces and nephews that have arrived. The family solidarity continues and new generations of beloved, unique and wonderful people carry on, each with something important that is just his or hers to add.
2. A Journal.
When I was expecting my first baby, I got a notion to start a journal for my unborn baby. I made several entries during my pregnancy about our feelings toward this baby. Then came the wonderful day she was born! And this child was born with a journal from day one.
A very young child can enjoy having a journal. They can trace their hand or use markers to color their fingertips and leave the prints. They can draw pictures or dictate words about a special event or a fun day. When we were on a tight budget, we found journals extra inexpensive if the names embossed on them had contained errors. The bookstore could cover those with a little name plate. Our family didn’t worry about their young child using well his journal, as they might have a more expensive book.
Our 3-year old son returned from his first Father’s and Son’s Outing and dictated the following for his journal: “The grass. And the people. We had donuts. We had sleep. The stars went chhhh! In the morning, the stars were gone. The swing. We ‘goed’ to the swing. Me and the little kids won. (foot races) We take another swing and another swing and another swing too. It was fun! And we had dinner and lunch and swing and we had baseball. We batted into a ball, then we runned. And that’s all!” I wrote this all down in just his words, and now they are so precious!
When a parent reads back what he has put in his journal, he can delight in remembering. (Also he learns so much about language this way: writing words that can be read back, left to right reading and writing, etc.)
As children learn to write, they can write in their journals. Only I don’t insist on long entries too soon. It’s okay if mom and dad help them write for awhile, but later parents can encourage that “it’s fun to have your own handwriting in your journal.” Sundays are a good time to talk over past events and record them. The scriptures contain much about keeping records and even Jesus’ counsel to record important events. (See 3 Nephi 23:11 https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/3-ne/23?lang=eng).
When one son got his stitches removed, we let him place the stitches, taped on a tongue depressor, to his journal to preserve this poignant memory. Another time, this son had a large sliver removed and it was taped to a 3 x 5 card with the date and the words “very brave!” to put in his journal. For a season, he and his brothers and sisters would quickly write in their journals on the way to Grandmother’s house Sunday afternoons, since they got to have a scoop from Grandma’s candy jar if they had written! Later on, we would have “journal parties” at the kitchen table with a bowl of granola bars (a rare treat) as a reward for recording the recent adventures of our family. When this son grew up, his journal got replaced with a missionary journal, and got left behind when he went away to college. Then one day, we presented him and his new wife with his precious journal. He almost cried to have again this friend from childhood–his journal. His wife felt like she could now see a whole new side of him. In fact, she was motivated to start a journal for their kids as they came along.
3. Our Small Plates.
I wanted to give my family a collection of stories, to help them figure out who they really are. Every time I experienced or recalled a special miracle that happened, I would write it down. Then for a season, each time I had a birthday, mother’s day or Christmas come along, I would ask each family member to write down a story for my gift that time. They had each planned to do something for the occasion anyway, so they took time out to write down an experience. It could be a faith-promoting story, a mission story, a funny memory. It could be an essay or a poem they had written. At the end of the family book, I collected ancestor stories. We called it, “The Small Plates of Ellingson” just like the Book of Mormon had the special things written on special Small Plates.
This was an ongoing project, one that required editing for typos, checking facts, and rearranging the order. But I didn’t stress over it, but just wrote a little on it each week. Then I decided to serialize it by sending one story via email to everyone each Thursday, so everyone could read them and her new in-laws could learn more about the family they had married into. Our Small Plates book has become a precious record of our family, of who we really are. (See also Tell Me A Family Story post)
Please Comment: I would love to hear your good idea or experience with this topic.