Attachment,
based on the work of Dr. Marlene Hinton
“Mothers have the Power to shape the architecture of the brain, and the expression of genetic traits. This is a Godly Power no one else has.”
I was privileged to attend a lecture on the subject by a wonderful lady, Dr. Marlene Hinton, who earned a PhD from ASU in Education, and is a mother of 8 children! Dr. Hinton is a mother, grandmother, and educator who has been lecturing and writing for several years on the essential role of attachment in physical, intellectual, spiritual, behavioral, and emotional health. One of the earliest systems to wire up in a baby’s brain, attachment is the foundational element that shapes all other areas of development. The best news is that mothers instinctively get it right!!
I would like to share with you my notes and what I learned, putting Dr. Hinton’s words in italics:
- Baby’s Brain.
At birth, the brain is the only organ that is not fully functional. It is only 25% complete. The structure is there, but only 25% is hard-wired and unchangeable–the part includes the systems that keep a body alive. The other 75% must wire up and be “plugged in.” In fact, for the first 8 months of a baby’s life, it wires up at a rate of 8 billion connections per second! How exhausting–no wonder a baby must sleep a lot! By the time a baby is one year old, 75% of the brain has been hard-wired.
How it wires up is determined by the Mother: how she treats her baby. Inside the baby’s cortex, within the layers of the Limbic System, is the Amygdala, an almond-shaped organ that is the emotional center of the brain. The amygdala triggers chemicals in the brain. It processes only that which comes in through the five senses: touch (mother’s touch has its own signature), smell (the baby knows it’s mother’s smell from birth), sound (she has heard mother’s heartbeat, she recognizes music from five months in utero, and she recognizes her mother’s footsteps), sight (babies gaze into their mother’s eyes, staring without blinking and gaining connections), and of course, taste. All of the sensory input develops into patterns that first create then strengthen connections, forming the strongest, most permanent connections of the child’s life. This profound connection in response to maternal sensitivity is called attachment or bonding. Mothers simply need to do what their instincts tell them–coo and cuddle, love and talk baby talk, play peek-a-boo and pat-a-cakes, and hold their new baby like crazy! It is not possible to “spoil” a baby by holding her too much!
A baby’s brain develops from back to front, inside to outside, and bottom to top. As her visual cortex wires up, she develops her ability to focus and learns facial recognition by staring at mommy. She watches your face, staring into it with big eyes to see what kind of mood you are in. She best focuses the distance between a mother’s arm and her eyes and the rest is dim. Next, she begins watching the mouth and as facial muscles develop she will begin to return mommy’s smile and eventually vocalize and work her lips and tongue preparatory to producing language. However, she understands words and can literally “parse” them (separate syllable strings into individual works correctly) by about 9 months of age. This is IF mommy is talking to her – so talk to her constantly, explaining, reading, showing, sharing. That builds the connections that facilitate good communication. The things that are wired first are the most permanent and the most powerful.
There are photographs of the connections in the brain. At birth, they are sparse and spread apart. By age 6, they are crowded and interwoven. But in a brain without these connections—without attachment—there are large spaces and holes. A repeated voice, things said over and over, keep the wires expanding faster and more permanent. This is the most powerful force in the baby’s life.
Visual, attention, attachment, and communication are the 4 systems to wire up most completely by around 14 months of age. This is the optimal window of time to create the permanent pathways the brain will use throughout life, including, security (including belonging, having someone irrationally crazy about the child), identity, trust, connections related to attention and communication, behavioral/emotional control, sensitivity to others, confidence and self-worth, understanding of self and others, and the ability to form healthy relationships. It also includes the permanent pathways of outlook on life and attitudes/assumptions about others, interest and curiosity, social skills, spiritual perceptions and understanding, even physical well-being – all are rooted in the initial emotional processing of the sensory responses of the mother (or primary caregiver – if not the mother).
- Security
All attachment is emotional at first. Your baby wants to be with you. You are her source of security, comfort, happiness. She is developing according to the strength of your relationship with her. The brain must feel secure.
Babies turn their heads into a mother’s shoulder at the sight of a newcomer, or a child hides behind a mother’s skirt or hangs onto her leg. This is a compliment to mom. The child is turning back to the secure world she knows. Gradually, she will be able to branch out and not shut out others. Give children time. Our society values independence and seems to rush them.
The scientific world uses the word “Temperament” to refer to what a baby brings with her from the pre-existence, the personality she already has. Some need more security than others. Some require a lot of patience.
- Wearing your baby in a sling is an idea that makes for great attachment. Skin to skin touch makes a baby’s vital signs perk right up.
When Mom must leave, reassure when you will be back and keep your word. You can negotiate with older toddlers. For an extra clingy child, you can set a timer until you will be back together. One young mom never stirred a pot of food alone—she always had a helper!
“Attachment is perhaps the most critical factor in future development. The quality of your child’s first relationships has broader and longer-lasting effects than any other factor in your control.” Stamm, Jill (2007). Bright from the Start. New York: Gotham Books, p. 132.
An “unpalatable truth” in current society, writes Dr. John Bowlby, is that “healthy, happy, and self-reliant adolescents and young adults are the products of stable homes in which both parents give a great deal of time and attention to the children.” Bowlby, John. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. New York: Basic Books, Inc., p. 2.
No Attachment?
Cortisol is the alarm chemical produced by the brain. When a baby cries, cortisol levels go up. Then, If a baby hears a voice in response to her cry, cortisol levels decrease after the initial communication (crying). When the response pattern of prompt and tender attention is established, the infant learns that mother will come, all will be well. She learns to calm herself. Thus, she learns to monitor and begins to control her own emotional and chemical response. It is when there is no attention from a caregiver, the infant never develops that ability and is on a constant threat alert or develops a non-response (apathy).
In other words, when no mother is available for attachment, 1. A baby learns to withdraw. It’s no good to cry because no one responds, so systems begin to shut down. Or 2. A baby is always tense, wondering if help will come. This can erupt into violent behaviors and angry outbursts. Or 3. A combination of the two.
The security a baby feels makes a difference throughout her entire life. The normal brain lights up everywhere. But with faulty attachment, all systems are depressed. A baby may be sickly. Physically, her brain is smaller.
- In one of the better orphanages in the former Soviet Union, the mortality rate was 50%. It takes love to live.
Vicki ‘s third child, a son, was not like the older two. He was very stoic—he simply did not respond to touch or stimulation. So Vicki, busy with her others and with life, thought he must not need it. So she didn’t coo with him like she had the others. As this little boy grew, however, he began to struggle. Vicki took him to a specialist, and they identified his lack of attachment. “Do it.” the therapist told her, “Even it if makes him uncomfortable, ooze over him, cuddle him, rock him and love him.” So she did. And she tries to tell all young moms to ooze over their babies, even if they seem like they don’t respond. Some attachment can still happen later on, though it is much harder.
- Sense of Identity
Attachment lets a child develop confidence and a sense of belonging. The mother’s love is giving the message, “You are important.” “Nothing more fully bestows a sense of worth upon a newborn child than parental love… the child was brought into being in order to be loved.” Thomas, L. (2006). The Family and the Political Self. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, pp. 19-20. Only people have offspring in order to love them. For all other creatures, it is just biology and instinct. God gave mothers this wonderful gift.
Our Society has created a Peer Society. Children will find a connection, if not at home, then out in society. According to Dr. Jackson, Children have to falsify their behavior–change their identity—to get accepted. The rule, rather than the exception now, is they want to talk with friends or be on social media rather than stay at home and play with a sibling or be with parents. This phenomenon is starting by 4th grade!
Keep Connections Close. Spend time with your Children! Our society has also put us often in the same room, but not connected. Attachment requires attention and face-to-face communication.
Those who have good attachment are much better at responding to the distress of others. “Children whose mothers respond sensitively to their signals and provide comforting bodily contact are those who respond most readily and appropriately to the distress of others.” Dr. Mary Ainsworth in Bowlby (1988), p. 15.
Some families have negative Genetic Tendencies. In a family where there is a loving mother and father, however, the expression of these negative tendencies can be inhibited. In addition, desirable traits can be opened and encouraged with positive attachment.
“In order to develop normally, a child requires progressively more complex joint activity with one or more adults who have an irrational emotional relationship with the child. Somebody’s got to be crazy about that kid. That’s number one. First, last, and always.” –Dr. Urie Bronfenbrenner (in Stamm, 2007).
The Ability to Learn
Academics and the ability to focus and learn also depend on attachment. The best zone for learning is the middle ground of Relaxed Alertness. On one extreme, if there has been trauma or chaos in a child’s life and faulty attachment, the Anxiety and Distress prevent good learning. On the other extreme, if there has been little or no stimulation, there is complete Apathy. On both extremes, children don’t learn well. Attachment brings children to the middle ground of Relaxed Alertness.
Without attachment, it is difficult to focus on something until you can process it. It is also very difficult to learn language skills.
By age 4:
- A child in a home where mother does not talk to baby: 295 words total cumulative exposure
- A child in a home where mother talks, reads, explains: 13 million word total exposure
–They might not be able to produce that many words, but can understand that many!– Hart and Risely, 1995 – “Everyday Differences….”
Children need years of Spending Most of the Their Time with Mother. It needs to be actual, physical, emotional, sensory connections rather than virtual and distracted by technology, including TV, earbuds & ipods, etc.
Society is beginning to push a child out of the home earlier, with daycares and preschools and all-day kindergarten. You can never pay someone enough to love your child. Of course, there are necessary situations, but when there is a choice, choose to keep the connection as long as possible.
Research has most often placed Finland at the top the Academic Excellence. Guess when the Finnish people start sending their kids to school? Age 7. There is more time for Attachment with a child’s mother.
You are the Mom. You pay the taxes. You can tell the school how many hours your child will be attending. Yes, you can have your kindergartner go to school just half a day. Continue to shape the Architecture of your child’s brain.
- The pre-frontal cortex is where our capacity to plan, understand consequences, think rationally and logically and make long-range decisions is processed. It is right behind the forehead in the front brain and is not considered fully developed until around age 25. So logical thinking is learned much later than the rest.
Marianne realized that though she had nursed her babies, giving them that closeness and nutrition from her, one of them had missed out. This baby had a pattern of waking at five every day, and so Marianne had curled up with her on the loveseat, and while feeding her, always fell back to sleep. The other feedings were during busy times. She realized that she had not spoken near enough to this baby. This child had not learned to speak until much later than the others, and had been assigned to speech class because she, though very bright, had trouble with “word finding.” Marianne decided that even though this child was grown up and living away from home now, she would make it up as best as she could by calling at least once a week for a long talk! She would always be her mother and would continue to work on attachment!
- Repair
The Lord made us with Flexibility. Our brains are made to love other people too, such as spouses and our own children. Scientists will say that the brain can never fill in the holes left with no early attachment. They say that if a connection is not used, the brain prunes it away. But Mothers Never Say Never! Adding attachment later is like filling in the foundation of a house after the walls already are up. It is hard, and we don’t see it easily. It takes lots of patience, but can be done. The Lord must make up the difference. Plasticity is a characteristic of our brains that means they can keep growing.
One 14-year old had to ask hourly, “Do you love me?” She had not experienced attachment as a baby, and so the idea just does not stick. When her adoptive mother answers, “Yes, I love you,” there is no “home” for that response. It takes a long time to repair. Attachment is so strong at first, and emotional.
Just Spend More Time with someone who is struggling. Do things together. Repair their brains as best as you can, with patience.
- Grandmothers can connect with grandchildren with something such as a song that she often sings to them, which brings happy memories of love and a bond of attachment.
- My cousin told me about I Love You Rituals, a book by Dr. Becky Bailey, which is a resource to help connections form. “The Answer is more Love” is the recommendation of Jay M. Richardson.
In my hometown, a woman running for office actually posted signs around that read, “A Stay-at-Home Mom is a Leech on Society.” I feel bad for her, but someday she will know the truth, that a Mother truly is the one who shapes the world.
“Blessings on the hand of women!
Angels guard its strength and grace,
In the palace, cottage, hovel,
Oh, no matter where the place;
Would that never storms assailed it,
Rainbows ever gently curled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.
“Infancy’s the tender fountain,
Power may with beauty flow,
Mother’s first to guide the streamlets,
From them souls unresting grow–
Grow on for the good or evil,
Sunshine streamed or evil hurled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.
“Woman, how divine your mission
Here upon our natal sod!
Keep, oh, keep the young heart open
Always to the breath of God!
All true trophies of the ages
Are from mother-love impearled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.”
William Ross Wallace
“[Growing] up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood. …Children rank way below college, below world travel for sure, below the ability to go out at night at your leisure, below honing your body at the gym, below any job you may hove or hope to get.” The author of this blog then adds: “Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.” Rachel Jankovic, “Motherhood Is a Calling (and Where Your Children Rank),” July 14, 2011, desiringgod.org. as quoted by Neil L. Anderson in https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/children?lang=eng
“Mothers, Take Time to always be at the crossroads when your children are either coming or going… Take Time to Truly Love Your Children.” Ezra Taft Benson (excerpted from “To the Mothers in Zion” [address given at a fireside for parents, Feb. 22, 1987], 8–12).
The Take-Away from this post? Pat yourself on the back for all the mothering you have done, for those hours of cuddling and cooing, singing to and playing with your children. You were the architect of their little brains! Your place in Society is unmatched!
May we use this wonderful—even Godly–power to its full extent in our callings as mothers. May we use the Lord’s Atonement to help make up the difference for any mistakes we may have made with our own, and may we Mother anyone else who may have been short-changed or who needs someone to be “irrationally crazy about them!”
“Spending time with our children is the most important thing Mothers can do in time or eternity.” Dr. Marlene Hinton