Teaching Children When

Don’t our little girls love “Frozen?”  A movie about two beautiful sisters who truly love and sacrifice for each other!  Our boys love it too.  I can’t count how many times I have heard mine sing Elsa’s refrain, “Let it Go, Let it go.  Can’t hold it back anymore.”  Within the last week, I heard my petite little just-turned two-year old friend also singing, “Let it go!  Let it go!!”

In the movie, Elsa’s situation required some letting go, to be able to learn to understand and control her own gift.  But of course the tiny ones can’t understand her complex situation, though they love the dramatic song so much.  And since they are going to sing it so much, surely we should talk to them about what they are repeating.  Taken separately from the movie, what is the song actually saying?

If you think about it, there are two different ways to “Let it Go,” one good and one bad.  We moms need to teach our kids about both and steer them to adopt in their lives the good way of letting it go!  There are definitely times and things to let go of, and if we talk these things over, our kids will learn to let go of these and not the wrong things.  We need to teach them very young when to let go and when to hold fast and firm.  If we explain, they will have the power to see their way through.

1. Talking It through

Mark and I took a sheet of paper and made two columns.  We had our kids think of and list times it was good to Let it Go, and times it was not.  We allowed there to be some silence as our kids thought about it, and came up with more and more examples. 

On our list to Let Go were:  Anger, Grudges, Contention, Bad Habits, Pride, Hurt Feelings, Coveting, Envy, Shyness, Inhibitions, Emotions. 

On our List to Not Let Go: Temper, Appetites, Passions, Self-Control, Discipline, Obedience, Loyalty, etc.

Mark and I found some scriptures to read with our kids to support both lists and gave examples from our own lives about both times.  We ended by bearing testimony of God’s Plan of Salvation for His children and how badly He wants them to come home to Him, as well as how happy He is, and how happy we are when we choose the right way to live.  We followed up by making a thumbs up sign with a big smile and a thumbs down sign with a frown whenever our kids would sing, “Let it Go” to remind about the good and bad times to let things go.   

2. Good times to “Let it Go.”

There are plenty of things we want to let go:  bitterness, hate, envy, grudges.  We want to let go of being judgmental.  Bad habits, small and large, need to be let go.

Some of these things are hard to let go.  But forgiveness brings such peace into our lives.  Suspending judgment fills our hearts with empathy and love.  And letting go of addictions gives us such power and growth in confidence.

Just how does one give up an addiction that has a hold as tight as a chain?  Only through our Savior Jesus Christ.  He is the Way and the Only Way.  In Mosiah 29:20, we read,

“But behold, He (our Creator Jesus Christ) did deliver them because they did humble themselves before him; and because they cried mightily unto him he did deliver them out of bondage; and thus doth the Lord work with his power in all cases among the children of men, extending the arm of mercy towards them that put their trust in him.”

Notice that our Loving Savior uses His power to help stop addiction IN ALL CASES!  He is not particular.  We must merely get to the point that we humble ourselves and cry mightily unto Him to deliver us.

Letting go of these things means letting go of misery, and being filled with joy and peace.

3. Bad times to Let It Go!

Every one of us comes into this life Selfish.  It is the natural man. We look out for ourselves until we gradually learn to see another person’s point of view. We are taught in Mosiah 3:19,

“For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit and putteth off the natural man.”

Because of this tendency, there are many things we have to hold back:  our tempers, our appetites, our passions.  When a child is tempted to steal something that belongs to someone else, for example, he must fight that desire to take that thing.  When our student daughter is tempted to just let go and sleep in rather than go to class, she must learn to fight that pillow!  We parents have to battle constantly our own longing for a nap or urge for an outburst, and instead be patient with our little ones who need us over and over to be loving and kind.  These are urges we don’t want to Let Go!

Remember the story of the sister missionary who had mash potatoes spit at her and thrown into her hair?

“’My companion and I saw a man sitting on a bench in the town square eating his lunch. As we drew near, he looked up and saw our missionary name tags. With a terrible look in his eye, he jumped up and raised his hand to hit me. I ducked just in time, only to have him spit his food all over me and start swearing the most horrible things at us. We walked away saying nothing. I tried to wipe the food off of my face, only to feel a clump of mashed potato hit me in the back of the head. Sometimes it is hard being a missionary because right then I wanted to go back, grab that little man, and say, ‘EXCUSE ME!’ But I didn’t.’”

“To this devoted missionary I say, dear child, you have in your own humble way stepped into a circle of very distinguished women and men who have, as the Book of Mormon prophet Jacob said, ‘view[ed Christ’s] death, and suffer[ed] his cross and [borne] the shame of the world.’”  Jeffrey R. Holland https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/the-cost-and-blessings-of-discipleship?lang=eng

This girl wanted to turn and say a thing or two to that irate man who treated her so rudely.  But she held back.  What if she had Let it Go, and “laid into him?”  What would have been the result?  As it was, with her forbearance, she joined the ranks of the valiant who have suffered for the Lord’s sake. Jesus Christ tells us, “no one can assist in this work except he shall be humble and full of love,..being temperate in all things, whatsoever shall be entrusted to his care.” Doctrine & Covenants 12:8.

Another example is the person with homosexual tendencies that so bravely holds back desires and fights passions.  This person must know that he or she is doing the right thing by NOT Letting it Go!  They should be praised for the valiant fight!

Satan wants our kids to let all inhibitions go, close off their consciences, and give in to the temptations of drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, or premarital sex.  But in all cases, the devil—sooner or later—makes that person who tries this new thing fall hard.  Every time.

From very young, our children need to be taught to fight, to stand up for the truth and not back down.  We want to teach them when to be steadfast, firm and even immovable in their fight, and never give in!

4. Teach them

We must teach our children the right way of Letting it Go, and the wrong way!  They will certainly know and sing these words over and over, so they must know what they are singing!  When my own young boys sing, “Let it Go, Let it Go.  Can’t hold it back anymore..” they must know how to apply these words in the good sense!!  They can learn, but only if we teach them.

If we lovingly take a Family Home Evening night, when no one person is singled out, but the whole family is taught these truths, they will learn.  We can help them be smarter than temptation, knowing which traits and tendencies to Let Go and which to hold firm and strong!  And remember, even that little guy who is rolling on the floor is hearing more than we realize, especially the heartfelt experiences and warnings expressed.

Another way to teach this is to replace some lyrics.

After hearing her kids sing it over and over, a friend Alyse looked up the lyrics to “Let it Go.”  She found phrases such as:

“test the limits and break through”

“No right, no wrong, no rules for me”

 “That perfect girl is gone!”

Alyse pointed these out to her kids at the dinner table one day.   The family talked about what they meant, and she urged her kids to be smart about what they were singing.  Music, she taught them, has a direct pathway to our brains.  The words stay with us and become us.  We have to realize what we are singing, and not let those phrases penetrate.  Together, their family made up some substitute words:

Set my limits and stay true

There’s right and wrong, so right’s for me 

That perfect girl, come on!  Etc.

It was these words Alyse sang with their little ones.

Mattie, a neighbor of mine, had a group of 14-year old girls that would belt out this song at the top of their lungs when she took them home from mutual.  She realized that the words could be taken in different directions, so she determined to gather the whole church group of teenagers and have a story/game night on the “Frozen” theme, ending with a discussion about the song.  

By teaching our families to let go of hatred, pride, envy, and bad habits, yet hold tight and not compromise tempers, appetites, passions, and worldly tendencies, we can help them to feel good about being smarter than the natural man that we fight!

I recently had my own “let it go” experience.

So I rushed home from the gym last week and called the front desk as fast as I discovered the fact:  my swimsuit had been stolen again!  I was so exasperated!  This was the third time it had happened!!  I finish my water aerobics class and hang up my swimsuit on a hook with my towel while I shower and dress.  Then with my mind caught up in what comes next in my day, I gathered my bag to go, and neglected to grab my swimsuit and towel on the other hook!  It seems like only five minutes later that I discover the fact when I get home and go to take the swimsuit out and discover it gone!  So I zoom to the phone to call the gym!!  And all three times (you’d think I’d learn!), the swimsuit and towel are already gone from the hook, never to be seen again!  Who would want to steal a wet swimsuit and towel? 

“There must be something going on!” I tell the person at the front desk that takes my call and goes to look.  This time, she went and looked again for me!!  “Someone is watching and stealing it!” I insist, “A janitor?”  “No, there’s no janitors til night in that area,” she tells me.  Well, I make a fuss and then hang up.  Sigh!  Why don’t I remember to get the suit?  And why does someone steal something like that?

Swimsuits have gone up in price since that last time I lost one the same way, I discover online.  I sigh, and start to pray that the person who took my suit will have a softened heart and return it!  Then, Monday when I go back to the gym for my next class, I wear my very old, ugly swimsuit—that has lost it’s elasticity!  I do my aerobics and look around.  I don’t find any enemies in here…so  I vow to sit on the bench outside the showers and watch who comes in to look for things to steal! 

“Wait.. Do I really want to fill my time doing that?” I ask myself, “For what?”  More time goes by and I think, “Maybe there is someone who gets in free (there’s a senior discount from Medicare, I understand) and needs the sale of these items to get by!  “OK,” I decide, “if she needs it that bad, she can have my swimsuit.”  I feel much better by then.  I’ve let it go.  I’ll go on with my life.

So I climb out of the water, grab my bag, and head for the showers, my bad feelings gone.  And stop up short.  There, on a random hook is… My swimsuit and towel!!  What?  Wow!  I feel so grateful.  You know, I tell myself, I think I had to come to that point—ready to let go all bad feelings and move on, before I could get this amazing blessing! 

 I’d love your comments!