Simple Ideas for the Big Day

When you think about each day of last year, do you remember a specific one?  Probably not many.  But if you try to think about your last birthday, do you remember what happened that day?  I tried this with my kids.  They could not tell me much about what happened on any other particular day, but on their birthday, they could spell out most of the details of the day!  It’s a red letter day, one they will remember!

1. Birthday Wake Up

When it’s your birthday at our house, you know you have to stay in bed!  And wait to be “awakened!”  I grab the camera and Mark gathers the others so we can all “tiptoe” in. Together, we sing “Happy Birthday to You” as we pounce on the birthday person!  It’s a way to catch them early to start celebrating their special day! (Sometimes on my birthday, I smuggle in something to do under the covers, while I wait to be awakened!)

2. A Birthday Sign

First thing, even before the big wake up, the rest of us make a Birthday Sign.  It serves as a large birthday card from everyone!  I used to be able to purchase end rolls of newsprint from the newspaper office downtown for really cheap, but when the newspaper went online, I had to switch to rolls of paper from Michaels.  Anyhow, we roll out a large sheet, cut it, and place it on the table, with a basket of markers.  Somebody makes large letters with the Birthday Person’s name and age and someone else puts a border around the edges.  Everyone writes a humorous or sweet message and a quick picture to illustrate.  (I like to use simple ones like a sun or balloons!)  My youngest likes to draw “fireworks”—a box at the bottom, lines running up the page, and an explosion of color on top.  Anything goes on this collection of birthday greetings!  It’s the first thing the birthday child does when they come in—read the Birthday sign!

And after everyone’s had a chance to write and we tape the sign up on a doorway nearby, any friend or extended family member who drops by later can draw something or add a message too!  We like to leave the Birthday sign up awhile—maybe even until the next birthday in the family—to make this birthday last! It’s been a fun way to wish each other a wonderful day!

When kids grew up and started moving away from home, we could sometimes send them a birthday sign folded up and mailed.  But lately, we have switched to a digital sign.  We pull up a blank Publisher Document, and type the Birthday person’s name and greeting across the top, with clip art to embellish.  Each person can add a message on one part of the page, complete with a clip art illustration.  For example, one son googled “birthday puns” then put with a clip art of an abominable snowman with the message: “Bigfoot doesn’t usually make an appearance YETI showed up to wish you a happy birthday!”  But the messages don’t have to even be cool or clever–a nice message works too.  In order to send this group birthday card, I change it to a jpeg file and attach it to an email.  We like to do such a group card on the Sunday after a family member’s birthday.  (My kids know how to do this on a regular Word document as well.)

3. Birthday Foods

During the year, when someone especially wants a favorite food, they say, “I’m going to have that on my birthday!”  It’s fun to choose the menu of what you really like best on your day!  A couple of days before, I’ll have a little powwow with the birthday person, to write down the favorites.  If that day is going to be especially busy, we might save the birthday dinner for Sunday.  Besides, more family can celebrate with us that day.

A good activity on a birthday afternoon, it’s fun to let the birthday child make their own cake!  Or help make!  It’s a fun day to lick beaters!  It’s cool to spread frosting.  It’s fine to have it just their way.  And the process makes for a fun picture too!

4. Birthday Candles

It’s become tradition at our house to light the candles as many times as the birthday person wants.  It’s okay to do it lots and lots, since birthdays come only once a year.  The second time around, candles are lots quicker to light!  (We did have to set an age limit for when a child could light a match to light their own candles!)  Some kids might need a couple tries blowing out to make sure they figure out just the right birthday wish in their head!

Grandmother enjoyed clapping out her candles!  She cupped her hands a little and clapped them just above the lit candles.  It sure was less germy that way!  So some kids like to try that out too.  It makes a birthday last just a little longer to do candles more than once.  (Though some prefer to get quickly to the eating!)

5. Birthday Budget

At one point when we were raising our family, Mark and I were having a challenge with the cost of birthdays.  Birthday parties were expensive to put on, along with special foods and gifts and all. Mark and I settled on a plan—a birthday budget.  We chose $60 as the allotment for birthdays, which broke down to $20 for a gift, $20 for special foods, and $20 for a party or a birthday date with Mom and Dad.  The Birthday boy or girl could choose to adapt his budget to fit their wishes.  If there were a more expensive gift that they really wanted, for example, they could choose to just eat regular foods we already have and a simple cake, and have no party or date, and receive a $60 gift.  If they wanted an expensive party instead, they could opt to have a $10 gift, and save the rest of the budget for a party.  Or, they could choose to be surprised with a $20 gift, $20 of favorite foods, and a $20 date with Mom and Dad.  And so forth.  It taught our children to examine their wants, and to realize the costs involved.  They had a say in their birthday celebration, but it did not break our bank!

6. Birthday Activity

My parents had a lot of kids, and didn’t feel like each could have a party every year, so they set up special ages for parties:  when you turned age 5, 8, 12, or 16, you could plan a party.  That way, the parties, as well as time and money and energy, were spread out a little, with a breather in between!

Our kids are fine with birthday dates instead of a party.  A child can go out with Mark and me for a bite to eat and an activity.  (Although most of the time, they want to invite a brother or sister or all the other kids to come along, and that’s okay too!)  We might go ride the racecars together, or go to watch an Improv show.  We might go ice-blocking down a hill at the park or use a good coupon at a restaurant.

7. Birthday Gifts

I used to provide gifts for the kids to give their sibling.  I might choose a few gifts and then spread them out in my room like a little store.  Then, I let the kids come in one by one and secretly “buy” one from me for minimal cost that they could afford.  (Or in exchange for a job or two they did for me.)

For a couple of years, we had a different idea.  All of us went in on a “Kit” for the birthday person.  It was a shoebox full of items, one from each of us (and even from the pets sometimes!), all about a theme.  I have lots of boys, who needed lots of calories when they were swimming or wrestling or doing a sport, so most of these Kits contained favorite snack foods!  Or we might do a kit full of dating ideas for our teenager or a spa-type kit for our girls.  Each item had a note taped to it with a corny remark and the giver’s name.

But the thing was, I provided most of the items, and the kids simply wrote and attached the notes.  As the kids grew, I wanted them to put out a little more effort for a brother or sister, so their love for that sibling would grow.  I would try to give them a little more time to come up with something by reminding each one several days before the big day.  Service to the birthday person was a great idea!  Or something of their own they wanted to wrap up and share.  Or I might help them earn some extra money and take them to the dollar store. A sibling’s birthday is a great time to learn some unselfishness.

However, I did also try to be understanding of a little one who upon watching the birthday person get so much attention, needed a little of their own as well.  An extra hug of understanding or a small treat at the same time as the gift-giving helps solve that one!  Also, a reminder of how they have a birthday of their own coming up!

8. Half-Birthdays

It is just So Hard for little ones to wait an Entire Year for their big day!  Think about it, to a three year old, a year is one third of their life that they have to wait!  So, when we had lots of little guys, we stuck half birthdays into our calendar.  When your half birthday came around (6 months after your birthday), you would get a simple celebration.  No gifts.  And No sign or wake up. I would simply make a cake and cut it in half, then put half on the top of the other one.  Half a cake for a half birthday!  But also, you got some recognition that you were half a year older now and getting so big!  Four and a Half is so much bigger than just plain Four!

9. Birthday Love

When one of our married kids or college kids has a birthday, we like to shower that person with complements from afar.  Our family has a Groupme group texting account, and we like to post our favorite thing about that person on their day.  Or a favorite memory. It’s a fun way to stop and think about that person’s special gifts and the way they have enriched our lives that year.  In fact, these complements were one of our new daughter-in-law’s favorite gifts.  She said to us, “You sure know how to make a person feel good!”

We call those that live far away on their birthday, but it’s all of us calling.  My daughter reminded me that an individual call with a good long visit is another good way to say I love you on a birthday.  I was just remembering that I used to write the birthday person a special letter.  Everyone loves to get mail.  And everyone needs a love letter from their mom on occasion, to express my love in an additional way.  It’s about time for me to do that idea again!

I’ve never forgotten the especially good tip someone gave me years ago about birthdays: Kids remember a lot that happens the day of their birthday, even if they forget every other day of the year.    So for us moms, let’s make that one particular entire day–on a child’s birthday–every memory a happy one.  Let’s leave off any disciplining or unnecessary consequences.  Let’s leave correction for another day.  Let’s fill this day with building up and expressing love.  Let’s give extra hugs and kisses and complements, to the birthday person feels a total shower of love on this day!

And what if things don’t turn out well!?!  What if the party or the dinner or the gift or whatever falls through or falls short or is a flop?  It happens.  My friend just told me of her son’s regrets at the end of his birthday.  “I forgot what it’s like to be an 11 year old!”  she told me, berating herself.  To which I reminded her that her son had the coolest birthday cake in town!  It was rice krispies that his Dad had shaped into a Super Spinner!  All my friend has to do is remind him of that cool cake Daddy made and the other fun things the kids did at the party.  He was sad that she had asked moms not to send gifts, since the party was last minute.  Though he regretted that, she can remember that she taught her son compassion and kindness, that he will remember!  I suggested that she show him the pictures and they will help him remember the fun.  We can mold memories, can’t we!  Three cheers to Moms and Dads who try their best to make the birthday happy!  We are doing better than we think we are!  And when it doesn’t go well, we are teaching our kids to find the good anyway!  Way to go!