Finding Joy Daily
Please Be Happy, Mommy!
Recently, I was asked, “Is Motherhood Enjoyable to you?” It was followed up with, “You must have found It enjoyable since you kept having kids!” I remembered back to when I was a young girl and I discovered Cheaper By the Dozen. I was entranced by the idea that the Gilberts worked together to give their kids all kinds of experiences. That family really enjoyed each other, and their eccentric dad and wise mother. That, and the experience I gained as 2nd of eleven kids growing up helped me decide that I wanted twelve kids of my own!
I was blessed with easy pregnancies. In fact, I loved being pregnant! I also had good deliveries. So, I had those twelve kids (one, or two) at a time. Then, although I was approaching 40, I mentioned to Mark one night, “You know, we could have one more. . .” I really wanted one more pregnancy experience, and one more child. For me, it was sweet to be pregnant, to feel the spirit of that perfect little one within us. I would feel a real void when he or she had left my womb. Of course, afterward I had a whole different sweetness, with a baby to love and to get to know.
Our youngest didn’t come right when we wanted him—it took four years for him to finally join our family. And we give thanks for him daily! How glad we all are for each member of our families. But there are tough times too. How can we help motherhood be an enjoyable season?
1. It’s All About Our Perspective.
“If they are my purpose, I love it. At the end of the day, I did my to-do list, cuz they were it! But if I see them as in my way, it is not enjoyable. It’s all in how you look at it.” These wise words were from my daughter’s friend, Sarah Fast, a wise young mom who figured out how to make motherhood enjoyable. It’s all about our perspective.
Another mom, a neighbor of mine, Diane Matthews, told me about her experience when her husband died, leaving her with six young children. She figured out a way to work at home, in order to be near them all. But boy was it stressful, to be both mom and dad to these kids, and to work to provide for them as well as rear them. One day, she felt so stressed at trying to run a household while doing her job, with all the interruptions! In the midst of her meltdown, she suddenly had a change of heart.
“Wait. . .I Choose This!” she realized. “I am so blessed to be able to be home with my kids and do my business here. I am just where I want to be!” And making that realization changed everything. She embraced her daily life from that point on.
As we look at our current circumstances, “I wouldn’t change a thing” is a wonderful perspective to have, as well as, “I wouldn’t trade my challenges with anyone else.” With our attitude adjustments, we can see the positive, focus on it, and enjoy the season we are at!
I love being a stay-at-home (work-at-home) mom! I am so grateful to my husband for working hard to support us. I love being my own boss, and planning my own day, spending it molding characters, helping kids make connections and have great experiences. Yes, it’s filled with lots of service, but how rewarding it is!
2. It’s All about Our Self-Talk.
Our brains are changing constantly, throughout our lives. So it matters immensely what we feed them. I am not talking about food, but about words. Thoughts, plans, goals, but especially what we tell ourselves. When we look into the mirror, what do we focus on? Our blemishes, a new wrinkle, the grayness of our hair? Or do we tell ourselves the we are OK. Do we program ourselves with who we want to be, so we can grow to be that?
“I am fit and trim, healthy and energetic, neat and comely, cheerful and organized.” This is my standard self-talk that I came up with years ago. Though somewhat comical, it’s who I want to be, so it’s what I tell myself—what I feed my brain. In hopes it will help get me there.
3. We give them Each Other.
I had a friend who had very difficult pregnancies. She felt so guilt about how neglected she felt her kids were when she was going through another hard pregnancy. “You gave them each other!” was my response to her. Her kids looked out for each other when Mom didn’t feel well and helped meet each other’s needs. What a gift to give them relationships with their siblings—and how much they learn and teach each other. Often, they grow up to be each other’s very best friends.
4. Capture the Moments.
I recently was given the challenge to capture a “perfect moment” each day and write it down. If I am careful to describe it well—the way it looked, sounded, felt, smelled, and even tasted, I could relive that moment again and again. (Nielson, Rachel, “Joy in Motherhood,” I Am Mom Summit, March 16, 2019) I love the challenge! And it’s great to look over my day and focus on the great moments that I want to save.
Mothers get tons of great moments. For example, one of Rachel’s was when her young son got off the bus and ran to her with a huge smile on his face and his arm outstretched for her! These great moments are really sandwiched in there with all the monotonous or even disagreeable moments. If we focus on these choice times, they will leave us with joy. And Rachel promised that as we notice them, these wonderful moments will grow. (“Joy,” I Am Mom Summit) See also her ideas @“3 in 30.”
5. Always Turn to Gratitude.
There is always something to be grateful for. If we look around and search for it, we will find plenty of reasons to give thanks. A car that works, a beautiful sky, a child who plays nicely (even if it’s rare), that he or she is healthy right now, for light switches or running water or beautiful music played right in our home, etc.
It may seem hard to feel gratitude when things are totally going wrong. But Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf asked, “Have we not reason to be filled with gratitude, regardless of the circumstances in which we find ourselves?” He taught that “our loving Heavenly Father knows that choosing to develop a spirit of gratitude will bring us true joy and great happiness. . .How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God that there is rain?” (“Grateful in Any Circumstances” Ensign, May 2014.)
6. As the Kids Grow Up.
In this interview I referred to earlier, the podcaster Diana Ballard (“The Mom Training”) asked me if motherhood was still enjoyable with most of my kids grown up. I told her that as they grow up, they still need a mom, but also a friend and confidant. It’s sweet to grow in our friendship. I admitted that it’s more complicated now, when they’re not under my roof. But as they grow, they become more like my friends. I love that my children have married well and so, they have a partner to watch over them. I love all the new people I am getting to know—the family they bring and the new ones they have. But also, I want to be there for them too, and I love the challenge of being a sounding board for my grown kids when they need one.
As my kids have kids, I love the challenge of connecting with each grandchild, and of being a part of their lives—even from afar. It takes creativity to create bonds of love with a child when you live far from them. But oh, how rewarding it is when they grow to know and love you. It truly makes life enjoyable.
How do you make motherhood enjoyable? I’d love your ideas in the comments below!