Teaching Desire for Prayer
When she was just a toddler, my little daughter stuck her finger down her throat and made herself throw up! “Oh no!” I exclaimed, “My daughter is already showing signs of Bulimia! What should I do?!” Well, when I spoke with my professor, he told me that no, it was not at all likely that my one and a half-year old was starting on the path toward builimia! “But,” he warned, “If you make a big deal about it, it just may be more likely to happen!” I was over-reacting to a singular incident; I should have paid little attention to the incident and instead, have focused her attention on something different.
Sometimes, we conscientious parents are over-anxious about our kids, when singular events can dissipate on their own. Suppose your child says, “I don’t want to say prayers today.” We would probably do best to downplay or even ignore the announcement. If this child gets undue attention for their proclamation, they will do it again. Save the attention for when he does choose to pray and pour it on then!
What can we do to reinforce and encourage prayer, and help our kids want to pray?
1. Set an example. When Mom is asked to pray, she can answer, “I’d love to!” and then show the kids you mean it, by offering a heartfelt, meaningful prayer they can understand. Especially if we make our prayer relevant to what our family is experiencing right then, such as gratitude for this yummy food or prayers for the sick pet we are worried about.
Let the kids see us on our knees in our bedrooms too. We could tell them we were praying for them! It would be amazing to express to them some of the answers or help we receive. As always, they learn the most from what we are.
2. Use A Song.
Think what we teach when we sing, “Heavenly Father, Are you Really There? And do you hear and answer every child’s pray…” And “Pray, He is there. Speak, He is listening…” (A Child’s Prayer, Children Songbook p. 12)
Music is a second pathway to our kids’ brains. It uses a whole other hemisphere—the artsy side rather than the logical side. Religious music is another witness that what we are teaching them is true. It is an excellent way to solidify a developing testimony.
3. Teach the Why.
Teaching prayer is always a good idea. Positive Family Nights that teach prayer will help them want prayer in their lives. Stories about prayers that were answered help build faith in the Lord and the desire to pray to Him.
Often we can remind our child that Heavenly Father made everything on this earth and gave us even our bodies and our families. We want to thank Him for all this! Another approach is to teach them that He is our King, a good King who watches over us from Heaven. We kneel to a King to show Him how much we love Him.
4. Turn to Prayer at other times.
Likewise, we can turn to prayer during the tough times. The car gets stuck, or the toy gets lost—there’s nothing too small for asking help. Praying for help to find something and then finding it—even if much later—is a great chance to give God the credit, express gratitude in prayer, and build faith that He is there, that He cares, and that we love Him so much.
Prayers can reassure. My grandson heard a scripture about the world burning. “I don’t want my toys to burn!” he exclaimed. My daughter tried to console him, but he was still distraught. “Let’s have a little prayer” she told him. They folded their arms right there, and Mommy prayed that they and their belongings would be protected from fire.
5. Allow Agency.
Sometimes we feel we must insist that a young child kneel, fold their arms or even close eyes. But if those things turn into a battle, we should drop it. Yes, it’s good to train them to be reverent, but that can come later—after they have learned to love to pray. First, we want to set the pattern of prayer, just by doing it consistently. Children think they are participating, even if they don’t do anything but listen to a prayer and observe those around him engaging in meaningful prayer.
Young children have a need to use their agency! “I can say No and I am going to!” is the message they send out at about age two! But really, it’s not necessarily belligerent. If we were to say, “Join us when you are ready” and then shower lots of praise for their good choice when the do join us, the child should end up with a happy attitude about prayer. Just what we want. “When you’re ready” is such a good phrase. Another daughter-in-law will simply say, “Maybe next time then” if a child doesn’t want to say it this time. We can teach obedience, but they can have a choice about when. And we can praise their good choices.
My son and his wife used to make their kids kneel at prayer time. But “we always go back to putting good with good” she told me. So in order to keep good feelings with good things, they decided to use positive reinforcement instead. Now, they praise the ones that are kneeling: “Lizzie is kneeling so nicely! Good job Lizzie!” makes the others want to do it too. If one child decides not to, they might wait or they just go ahead with the prayer.
This family decided to give their kids more autonomy about prayer, but the rule remains that they must come to the table to be with the family, even if they choose not to participate. When this daughter-in-law was a young girl and her older brothers had to leave early for school, she was still sleepy. So they would kneel around her bed for family prayer. They brought the prayer to her! And it worked.
If we relax and teach prayer by being prayerful, they will learn and soon the problem may switch to a child who wants to pray Every Mealtime! Another daughter’s family had that issue, and they solved it with a little pie chart that turned on a brad and helped the family keep track of whose turn it was to pray. That took away the contention at prayer time for them. Which left them free to enjoy the prayer and thank the one who gave it.
When we walk our kids through prayer and receiving answers, their relationship with God will grow. Soon, they will transition to their own prayers and their own answers. Their Heavenly Father can be a wonderful part of their lives.
There was a time when I didn’t want to pray! It was shortly after my 16th birthday, the very first time my parents had let me take the car to go teach my Primary class on a weekday afternoon. I was pretty excited about driving myself there, and my Primary lesson with my active 5-year olds went well. But then, when I was cleaning up, I couldn’t find my keys. I searched and searched—there were only so many places a set of keys could be in the small classroom! The three 5-year olds that were “helping” me noticed my anxiousness and asked what was wrong. “I can’t find my keys!” I answered, still frantically searching all the places over again. “Teacher,” one of them called to me, “You should pray!” “Yes, I should!” I agreed, but inwardly I KNEW that my keys could not be anywhere here—I had looked everywhere at least three times! How could I let these little kids down when prayer didn’t work? Still, they had such faith. We bowed our heads, then I mustered up what faith I could find and asked for help to find the keys. I immediately looked once more in all the same places, but this time, there they were! I was so excited, and the kids were happy for me. Not only was I spared from telling my parents I had lost them, I also could show my kids firsthand that faith and prayer work. God is Good!
Prayer is a wonderful gift, and if we tell them this constantly, and show them too, our kids will want it in their lives sooner or later.