A certain 10-year old child was somewhat socially backward and longed for friends. One day at long last, it was finally going to happen! A friend was actually coming over after school! The visit was still new when this friend made a comment about the child’s mother and they both laughed. Having overheard the exchange, the mother immediately called her child out and insisted at once that he stand in the corner. So, embarrassed as could be, wondering what the friend could possibly be doing, the child waited in the corner. When the ordeal was over, the vow had been made: “I will never have a friend over again!”
Could that mother have taught her child how wrong and disloyal it is to make fun of a parent, and to be respectful at all times, while still Saving Face? Our kids are somewhat fragile at times, and they need us to help them save face, even as we teach them right from wrong.
Everyone wants to be thought well of—that’s where saving face comes in. Some ways to do this are:
1. Take Them Aside
Necessary correction could be taken care of in private. How different would that story have turned out if the mother had simply asked her child to step inside another room for a second. She could have instructed him, while still saving face with his friend.
Even very young children can feel embarrassed in front of other people. It is a kind gesture to step out of hearing distance and fix the issue in private.
2. Motion to them
See a bit of dinner on your child’s face? See an item of underwear sticking out somewhere? See an inside-out shirt or shorts? We can hold back any laughter, and motion with our hands what to fix will often solve the issue with no one else knowing. Our kids will often be so grateful for our discretion.
3. Rephrase it Better:
When a child blurts out something embarrassing, we can help them save face with another phrase to fix or add to what she said. “Is this what you mean?” is a kind way to replace what was said with something better.
Suppose your child exclaims at the top of his lungs, “I want that toy!” You can fix it with the prompt him to add “. .as soon as you’re done, ok?” Suppose your child yells, “It’s my turn!” You can step in with “Could I please have the next turn?” and help the two children involved remain friends and your child learn a better way to negotiate.
4. Be like Jesus. How would the Savior have handled things? Did he ever help others Save Face?
- A Disciple Paying Taxes. Remember the story when one of the disciples asks Jesus whether they should pay taxes to Cesar or not. His answer “Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s; and unto God the things that are God’s.” (Matthew 22:21) I’m guessing that the disciple had already assured a tax collector that they did indeed pay their taxes. Then Jesus, along with reassuring him that he was doing the right thing, miraculously provided the coin inside the mouth of a fish, thus helping him save face.
- A Tax Collector
Zacchaeus, a rather unpopular member of the community, climbed up a tree, since he was so short and so interested in the rumored Messiah.
“And he sought to see Jesus who he was; and could not for the press, because he was little of stature.
“And he ran before, and climbed up into a sycamore tree to see him: for he was to pass that way.
“And when Jesus came to the place, he looked up, and saw him, and said unto him, Zacchaeus, make haste, and come down; for today I must abide at thy house.
“And Jesus said unto him, This day is salvation come to this house. (Luke 19:8-10)
The people around Zacchaeus were murmuring and talking about this hated tax collector who ridiculously climbed up a tree: Did the Savior know what a sinner he was? Jesus not only helped him save face, He gave him the singular honor of going to his house that day.
- The woman with the Expensive Oil. Think of the woman who brought expensive oil unto the Lord and used it on his feet. She was scolded by those watching, who felt adamant that the money from that superior oil could have been sold to help many of the poor. Jesus helped her save face with his words: “Then said Jesus, Let her alone: against the day of my burying hath she kept this. For the poor always ye have with you; but me ye have not always.” (John 12:7-8.)
With kind words, the Savior validated hers and many others and helped them save face.
May we be like the Savior and help our children to learn and live true principles, all the while guarding their self-esteems. May we help them save face.
I’d love your comments below.