Giving Children the Experiences that Help them Grow

I remember when my little baby girl encountered grass for the first time.  She was born in October, in Utah, and so the next spring when lawns started to grow again, it was a first for her.  I sat her on a patch of grass and she got this look on her face.  As the grass tickled her bare legs, and she touched the dewy grass, the wheels were turning. At first she wasn’t sure she liked this new stuff.  But gradually, she was enchanted by it.    

Babies and young kids need to experience all kinds of things.  With this season of quarantines and extra protection from germs, aren’t we grateful for movies and online entertainment?  It’s remarkable how much we can b ring into our homes in the way of good shows and tutorials of all kinds.

But also, our kids need the other kinds of experiences too.  In attachment theory, we learn that there are grids in our children’s brains that must be formed when they are very young–many are set in place by 18 months. These are grids they will need the rest of their lives, to be able to “file” the things they will face with security and confidence.  How can we give them all the experiences they need, and still keep them safe?  Kids need to touch, they need to tear things and squeeze them and see how they work.  But today more than ever, we have to say “Don’t Touch!”

1.  The Grocery Store.  Now that we can order our food and pick it up or have it delivered, I fear that our kids may be missing out on the myriads of lessons to learn there.  At the store, there are so many choices to make:  what foods to choose, whether they are good for us, how much they cost, how much we will need, how to tell when they spoil.  Kids watch us shop and hear us explain. They learn they must wait to eat things til they are paid for and then washed.  They learn about getting change when paying for things.  They learn how we treat strangers and how to be polite.  They learn about workers and that some are nice and some aren’t.  However, a grocery store is where everyone comes, even when they are sick!  What do we do, to teach them all these lessons?

Could we take a child to the store very early when there are few people there?   Could we play store on the kitchen table using monopoly money? We could let them help us pick food online?  Or let them help us put the food away in the right place?  Could we let them touch the different fruits and vegetables at home?   Or even help cook?

• The library.  It is so wonderful to get books delivered to our cars.  But kids miss out on picking out new books and making the choices.  There is a lot to learn at a library.  Story time, games, interactive displays.  Once we saw a magic show at the library!  Once we learned all about police dogs.

It can be a great event when a child gets their very first library card!   They love getting to choose their own books, and check out a favorite book over and over. 

All this is hard to duplicate.  But Grandma can give them a story time experience and Daddy can teach everyone about magic tricks or yo-yos.  The family can research together an item of interest, or share fun facts.

• The Garden.  Thankfully, during a pandemic, we can still plant seeds and water them, watching them grow and pulling the weeds that take their nutrients. Gardening is a wonderful way to learn to wait for something good. So few of life’s rewards these days of instant everything, have to be waited for.

 Mark and I learned to not insist on perfectly placed seeds, but to let the kids do it all—digging the dirt, placing the seeds, and taking some ownership in the outcome! Kids can pick the food, wash and prepare it, and taste it!  With a special pride that they grew it!

• The Outdoors.  Our children need to explore a path, a cool rock, a beautiful sunset, and a sweet-smelling flower.  It is also good for them to experience a rock in their shoe, a sliver, or a thorny branch! They need the joy of reaching to top of a steep hill or mountain.  It is good for them to feel the hot sun and the cool breeze, to appreciate a tree and jump in its fallen leaves! There is time for this, but even now we can be creative in letting them do the great outdoors safely even when places are closed and other opportunities are shut down.
• Animals.  All of us learn so much from animals.  Kids need to be able to touch them and stroke them.   They learn responsibility and consequences when they help feed and water them.  They experience firsthand the laws of nature and the variety of kinds and colors of the animals. They learn about God’s creations and that there’s room on our earth for all the creatures. 

If we cannot go to zoos and petting farms, we can maybe go visit the neighbor outside and learn about their pet parakeet or bunny or emu!  Maybe we can help feed someone’s pony—or even ride it!  It is a stretch to find them, but interactions with animals are great learning experiences.

• People!

Kids need to interact with other kids!  It’s a skill they will need all their lives.  But it takes some effort to intermingle when we can’t mingle! Still, we can look for creative opportunities to get them with other kids safely.

My daughter has three very active boys that live in a small apartment on BYU Campus.  Space is limited and their dad often has to study or work from home.  At least there is a complex of four apartment buildings with a playground in the quad. But recently, there was a spike in covid cases, so they closed the playground and told everyone to stay home as much as possible.  “I don’t think it’s good to live like this!” my daughter exclaimed, “I’m worried I’m teaching my kids to be afraid and distant from people instead of loving and being service oriented.”

We don’t want to teach these young kids to back away from other people!  We want them to learn to reach out to others.  At these formative years, when attitudes are being cemented in their brains, we must be creative.  We must find safe ways to let them still interact with people, even strangers.  We must figure out ways for them to live, and touch, and feel, and grow.  We are smart enough and creative enough to use technology wisely, and to still allow our kids to experiences all there is to learn when you’re a child.

Being extra creative, we can still drop by a treat and visit on a porch, we can Face time others and interact via Zoom.  We can write emails and letters, send pictures and notes.  These all count, and keep our kids growing!