Little Missy had poured her bowl of oatmeal on her head and it was dripping down her face and hair and onto her pajamas! Little Mister had turned on the hose, and ended up covered in mud! “Do you want to go take a bath?” their mothers asked them!
“Would you like to eat breakfast now?” we ask our little kids when they wake up. “Do you want to wash your face?” we often ask our little child, after a meal. “Do you want to take bath?” we ask when the child is a mess from head to toe! “Would you like to go to the library now?’ “Would you like to take a nap now?”
It is good to give a child choices. They learn to decide things, and are usually more cooperative when they have made a choice. They love being able to make a decisions for their own life. In fact, around age two, they are adamant about what they want!
However, many, many times, there is really no choice! When the child is covered in mud and dirt, it is time for a bath right now! We can’t wait to see if she is going to choose that option. There’s no option!
At times, maybe we need to word it differently:
“It’s time to eat breakfast.”
It’s time to finish your lunch.”
We could try, “Guess what, “It’s time for a bath!”
Or, “Aren’t you glad? We get to go to the grocery store!”
There’s no debate when our little darling is exhausted, and it’s time for naps!
“Please come right now,” makes our insistence more polite.
As parents, we want to say yes as often as we can, but we must require obedience.
“Do you want to go to church?” is non-negotiable. It’s what our family does.
Our children have their free agency, yes. But, our church leader counseled parents, “Don’t exercise that free agency button too early!” If it’s time for church, tell your offspring, “We are going to church.” That is what you mean, and it’s for that child’s best good to insist, rather than give choice. It doesn’t have to be forceful. “It’s just what our family does,” we can tell reluctant children, or “Going to church is part of being in our family.”
Bottom line, give your little child lots of choices each day: “What would you like to wear?” “What toy should I get down for you?” “Which shall we do first, feed the chickens or feed the turtle?” But when it’s time to feed the pets, it’s time! It’s okay to be firm, when it’s time to be firm. And it’s ok to make many decisions for our little guys, until they are ready to make more and more decisions in the future. It’s about timing!”