The Amazing Power of Touch

 It was incredible!  Each time I put my baby twins down to sleep, in one crib placed one on each end, I was amazed when they woke up!  There they were, touching each other, almost intertwined—just as they had been in my womb!  These were 4 pound babies, born almost 8 weeks early, and having spent almost two weeks in the hospital incubators.  How could it be possible for them to scoot or even move?  But it was so, time and again, though I placed them at either side of the crib, they were together, touching when they awoke.

1. Babies need touch.

Babies can die without touch, as poor overcrowded orphanages have seen.  Though the staff at such places can feed them all, since there is not enough to hold each one enough, some babies simply die!  Everyone, but especially a baby, needs touch.  See /https://theanswerismorelove.com/2014/09/the-godly-power-of-attachment/ and https://theanswerismorelove.com/2014/09/the-godly-power-of-attachment-coming-soon/

When I was a teenager, my favorite thing to do when I walked in the door was to pick up the baby!  No matter how my day had gone, here was an instant source of happiness and love!  Blessed to be at the start of a large family, which adopted several children at the end, I always had a baby sister or brother to love!  And they loved me back—unconditionally!  It was a huge blessing to me and to the baby too.

In a completely different situation, my friend’s daughter had suffered some severe post-partum depression.  What did the doctor prescribe?  Two things.  That each day she play the piano—something she loved but had mostly given up.  And that she hold her baby!  Obvious?  Well, in her depression, this mom had given the baby to an older sibling or dad to care for most of the time.  To heal, she—as well as her baby–needed that touching time.

2. Children need touch.

Many know about the concept of “Love Languages,” one of which is touch. A simple touch on the shoulder or arm or back does wonders for a child.

“Studies indicate that many parents touch their children only when it is necessary:  when they are dressing or undressing them, putting them in the car, or carrying them to bed.  It seems that many parents are unaware of how much their children need to be touched and how easily they can use this means to keep their children’s emotional tanks filled with unconditional love…Parents need no special occasion or excuse to make physical contact.  They have almost constant opportunity to transfer love to the heart of a child with touch.” The Five Love Languages of Children, by Gary Chapman, Ph.D; and Ross Campbell, M.D.

Of course, some children need more touch than others.  I have a son who has always loved to feel soft things.  At the grocery store, he often goes over to touch the stuffed animals and point out an especially soft one to me.  For Christmas, this young son gave his older brother the very best thing he could think of—an extra soft body pillow!  Certain of our children have climbed on our bed often at night, hungry for some extra time on our soft bed, and an extra hug afterward.  Most of our kids have longed for time to wrestle Dad on the family room floor.  Some initiate a group hug for the whole family whenever possible.

Another son doesn’t seem to ever need extra touch.  But yet, this is the son who from the time he was a little boy, has made it a point every single week, to give me a kiss and a hug after church, before he leaves for his class.  He too needs touch.

Some may need it more than others, but all need touch. When I catch myself tending to save time by blowing a kiss or calling out “I love you, Good night!” from afar, I remind myself to take the extra minutes or seconds to go ahead and go to each one with a hug, to tell them another way too, besides words, that I truly love them.  May we sense what touch the members of our family need, and provide it regularly and often.

3. Marriages need touch.

Mark and I decided a couple of months ago, that no matter how tired either or both of us were each night, we would spend a few minutes touching.  Stroking an arm, holding a hand, or caressing a face is plenty, but it is necessary.  (And an occasional foot massage is heavenly!) Though we were used to praying together before bed, and saying an “I love you,” we discovered that we needed a little touch each night as well. (When we are not up to more.)   This decision has blessed our marriage so much.

It was later, that I stumbled upon a recent article about Skin Hunger. “Touch each other often,” it affirmed, for “physical intimacy helps make marriages strong. But non-sexual touching does, too.”  The article talks about “using non-sexual touch to facilitate bonding and countering the stress of daily living with frequent gestures of caring.”  It shows a survey that validates that these elements keep married couples happier and marriages more secure.

“The simple act of placing a hand on your partner’s shoulder or arm, or holding hands when you walk or watch TV can release oxytocin, the hormone that is responsible for trust and attachment, which glues couples together. Touch is so important to our emotional well-being that behavioral scientists have coined a phrase that describes what we experience when we don’t get it: skin hunger…A pat on the back, a squeeze of the hand, a hug, an arm around the shoulder— the science of touch suggests that it can save a so-so marriage.”  http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865677599/How-to-cheat-proof-your-marriage-according-to-science.html

How grateful we are for our wonderful bodies of flesh and blood that God has given us for this mortal existence.  We are so blessed to have skin that is vibrant and—as Mark puts it–full of electrons to share!  Let us give them away appropriately and liberally!  And by so doing, make family bonds strong and secure.